Wednesday, January 16, 2008

A sickness unto salvation

Well the lurgi that has been stalking me since before Christmas, and finally conquered me last week, now seems to be genuinely abating. I say that because it's now 48 hours since I had to have a Sinusitis Lemsip Max, and whilst the symptoms haven't completely cleared up I do now seem to be definitely heading for full functionality. I'm certainly back to writing on the blog, even if meetings and conversations are too much!

However, one of the things I've really been musing on is the gathering together of several threads in my life over the last few months, being: the conversation with atheism, my understanding of the faith (especially the incarnation and my understanding of Scripture), and where I'm supposed to go with it. Truth be told, I was quite rattled when Neil suggested I resign my orders, even more so when my old tutor said I was a heretic, and I felt an old temptation starting to rise again - that I should go back to academia, that I should spend more time in introspection in order to sort out what I believe and why, and that I'm not fit for working in a parish etc etc. In other words that I should hide. It took a few days of lying on my back to realise that this is fitting into a larger pattern. In particular, where I am convinced God is leading me is not backwards into the safety of the academic world but forwards into a much more dynamic engagement with the world (as described here). A much less safe situation, but Luke 17.33 applies.

In other words the sickness has allowed me to draw breath and become centred again, refreshing my relationship with God. A sickness unto salvation - thanks be to God.

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